If I sing, I am a minstrel

Can’t dance, won’t smile because I’m “shuckin’ and jivin’”

If I don’t, I am an “angry black woman”

 

Can’t cook without Aunt Jemima’s head scarf

Can’t eat without watermelon and fried chicken

 

If I tell the truth, I am an Uncle Tom

If I don’t, it is because I can’t be trusted anyway

 

If I speak well, I am tryin’ to “sound white”

If I don’t, then I’m from the ghetto

 

Can’t think because I’ll be considered “uppity”

If I don’t, the white man will do it for me

 

Can’t go to college because “they” don’t want me there

If I do, I was admitted through affirmative action

 

Can’t gather because I’m planning a conspiracy

If I don’t, I think I’m better than my own people

 

If I am attractive, a Jezebel

If I’m not, a mammy

If I have children, they are pickaninnies

 

Can’t work because some say I’ll work harder

If I don’t, I am a welfare queen, a shiftless nigger

 

Can’t drive because I’ll be pulled over for three letters: DWB

If I do, the car is stolen

 

And no matter how I wear my hair, it’s nappy

 

Race just won’t let me be