A life lived racially gives me more than I want, more than I can handle, manage or control.  It is before and beside me, inside of me and outside of me.  It’s stereotypically connected to the foods that I eat, the clothing I wear and the car that I drive.  It has rendered a judgment about everything that I have done or will ever do.  Before I can take one step, race has already moved me into– a social position that I would rather not be in. 

Race takes all of my time.  When I look behind me, I see race and when I look before me, I see race. I have not lived in a time without it.  Yet, I am certain that I don’t want to see it anymore, that I can live better without race.

Recently, I did a word association using the word race and was amazed at the number of words that I came up with.  As I reviewed the list, I noticed the number of memories, images and additional words that came with each word that I associated with race.  Sadly, even today, I can think of more that I did not include and the list grows longer. And I was and am carrying all of them.  It was in that moment that I realized how much of a burden we carry when it comes to race.

More telling was the fact that most, if not all of the words, were associated with bad memories and in turn, they made me feel bad.  The words made me feel disappointed with life, uncertain about the usefulness of living,  ashamed of my appearance, afraid of my neighbor and leery of my faith and its convictions.  I am certain that if you attempt the same exercise, you will find these same results.  In all that race gives us (i.e. a social identity, social position and social purpose), it takes away so much more.

I want race less involved in my life.  I want the opportunities to discuss race to decrease.  I want to see less of race and I want race to be seen less in me.  This is my prayer today. Amen.